


Earth Boys Are Easy

by trascendenza



Category: Fantastic Four (Movieverse)
Genre: Humor, M/M, Saving the World, Sex in Space
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2007-08-29
Updated: 2007-08-29
Packaged: 2017-10-05 13:40:56
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,378
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/42336
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/trascendenza/pseuds/trascendenza
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The sun is in danger of going out, and our two intrepid heroes have to save the day. By having sex.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Earth Boys Are Easy

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks to the_darkglow for the [plot bunny](http://trascendenza.livejournal.com/176878.html?thread=1800174#t1800174).

"I—you have to—it's not as simple as—"

Reed's face was a disconcerting (but really hilarious) shade of red. His fingers were even flopping around a little as he gesticulated madly—a sign that he was having trouble keeping a lid on his powers.

Johnny put a hand on his shoulder. "Reed, man, just spit it out. You really think there's some way that Norrin and me can stop the sun from going out like a cosmic light bulb?"

Norrin remained expressionless, but something in his glinting eyes made Johnny think he was missing something. A pretty common feeling whenever Reed talked science, actually, but that still didn't explain why Reed was acting like a twelve-year-old boy trying to get to third base for the first time.

It also didn't explain why Sue had her fist up to her mouth and seemed to be _giggling_ into it.

Sue was not a giggler.

Just as Johnny was starting to get suspicious, Reed took a deep breath and tried again.

"There may be no other way—I've run all the variables twice—even with all the power drawn from the space program reserves, we wouldn't even come close—and because of the unique nature of your powers—how you reacted when Norrin, um, when he, er, touched you last time—"

Sue doubled over and Johnny dropped his hand off of Reed's shoulder, taking a step back.

"Well, Johnny, it wouldn't have to be for very long, just enough time to properly meld the power matrices, and once Norrin got the two of you into the core, you'd probably—well, possibly—there's a slight chance you'll be unconscious by then."

Johnny held his hands up like he could shield himself from whatever harebrained scheme Reed was about to suggest. "Whoa, _what_ are we talking about, here?"

"The two of you have to—with his control, and your flames—just think of it as re-igniting an engine, really, not so different, from, um." Reed swallowed. "Friction is key."

Johnny looked back and forth between Norrin and Reed. Sue was over at the couch, apparently felled by her mirth. Norrin, as per usual, was all silver calm. Johnny could tell he'd already figured this out—had probably done so before Reed even opened up his mouth, he thought with more than a little admiration.

"Dude. Norrin. Help me out here. What the hell is Reed talking about?"

Norrin's voice cut the room like a gale of iced air. "Copulation."

Reed was spraying the floor with a fire extinguisher before Johnny even registered his flames had come on.

He ran away from the smell of burnt nylon and the _look_ on Norrin's really alien, really _not_ surprised face.

*

See, if Reed had been the one to tell him, he'd have laughed it off and immediately demanded to know what Sue had slipped into his coffee—the way she was laughing, he wouldn't have put it past her.

But, _no_, he had to be a genius and ask Norrin.

Now, he didn't know much about Norrin. The guy had some really cool-freaky powers, and even though he talked like he was a little slow, he was lightyears ahead of the rest of the human race. He was silver, like, all over, which led to a whole train of thought that Johnny didn't even want to get started on.

But, freakiest of all, he knew that Norrin just didn't have it in him to lie. Or exaggerate. Or anything that he'd suspect from Reed or Sue. Because this guy was off every chart Johnny knew, and he obviously had no concept of what the issue was here.

"Goddamn it," he said, shooting another ball of flame from his fingers. It sputtered, briefly, and then extinguished on the bricks.

And this really wasn't helping, because each one? Looked like a miniature sun. And made him think of the _things_ he was supposed to do… _in_ the sun. With Norrin.

Norrin, who… was he really silver all over?

Johnny dropped his head into his hands. He was _not_ thinking about this.

*

"What shall I do?"

"Do?" Sue took a sip from her glass of grape juice.

"Reed has told me that I must convince Johnny to cooperate with this plan."

Sue laughed. "In other words, he was too chicken to try and talk to him about it. And thinks that if I try I'll just make Johnny angrier."

Norrin, arms relaxed at his side, waited.

Sue set down her glass and tapped her index finger against her lip. Brow delicately furrowing, she was quiet for a few minutes.

"Huh."

"Huh?" Norrin repeated; it sounded odd in his voice.

"Have a seat," she said, pulling out a kitchen chair for him, and another for herself.

"If Johnny ever asks, I never told you this." Norrin made no acknowledgment of understanding, but she continued anyway. "Johnny can be—well, let me just put it this way. Have you ever hard of overcompensating?"

"You think he is… overcompensating. For what?"

"Every few years, when we were growing up, there would be a guy. Sometimes they'd be friends, occasionally teammates, but Johnny would start acting… funny. And he'd go after pretty much any girl he could get his hands on. And with his looks it wasn't too hard for him to get hands on a lot of them. But I always wondered—"

She laced her fingers together, and came out of her reverie, eyes re-focusing on Norrin.

"I think you might have to… were there ever nights when your wife didn't want to, uh, copulate?"

"No."

"Oh. Well—I want you to imagine what you would have done, if that had happened. And then try that with Johnny."

"You would like me to persuade him?"

Sue nodded.

Norrin rose, liquid motion.

"Very well."

*

"Johnny."

Johnny swung around in mid-air, his flames bursting into life when he saw Norrin.

"Dude, how do you do that? You're like a freaking flying cat or something."

Norrin floated closer, and looked at Johnny.

The human was of the lighter pigmentation, in skin, hair, and eyes—his voice was precisely two pitches lower than Reed's, but Norrin hadn't yet taken enough samples of male vocal chords to construct any kind of accurate comparison to the whole of the populace. His musculature was well-developed, and since Norrin had initiated molecular re-stabilization, his powers were incredibly responsive to physical and mental stimuli, granting the human a greater degree of control (but more potential for loss of control) as well as a higher intensity of application.

Overall, he was a prime specimen of the species. Norrin had no reservations about at the prospect of physical and power matrix intimacy with this one.

But, though he was not well versed in the ways of human emotion, he could sense a wall of resistance before him almost as tangibly as if it were manifest.

"You do not desire me."

Johnny gulped air down his windpipe.

"It's nothing personal, man, but I just don't play that way." His flames rose six milasecs off his epidermis, creating a halo that Norrin inferred was indicative of his mental state.

"This is not a game."

"I—I know. But, come _on_. The only way to save our star system is for the two of us to, uh, y'know… in the sun? There's got to be some other way to do this that doesn't involve kinky alien sex. We could just go up there and find the pilot light, right?" Johnny emitted traditional sounds of amusement, but their harmonics indicated tension and high levels of discomfort.

Norrin thought about the ways he had observed Reed and Sue these past few lunar cycles, and how they soothed each other in times of duress, how they alleviated discomfort.

Norrin propelled himself forward until they were only a few filasecs apart.

"I will relieve your tension," he said, modulating his utterance to low tones. Reaching his hands up, he grasped Johnny's shoulders, which reacted with immediate and sudden muscle tension at the contact.

"I'm not sure what you think is going to happen here, but I'm not done running alternatives past Reed—"

"Relax," he commanded, and used the length of his thumbs to access the tension points in Johnny's layers of muscle. Kneading at these with gentle but firm persistence, he continued until there was a noticeable decrease in strain.

The human, like Sue and Reed, had come to mean more to Norrin than simply an advanced construction of proteins and neural networks. Their sentience was beautiful to him, beautiful in the way that the lava flows in the Southern Continent of his homeworld were. They were wild, unpredictable, strong and a wonder of creation—and as he watched Johnny burn underneath his hands, the parting of Johnny's orange- and yellow-fired lips, he felt much the same sense of awe that he had the first time he visited the flows in his youth.

"I desire you." He brought his hands up and placed his thumbs on the corners of Johnny's jaw. Johnny's pulse beat there and he pressed into it, savoring the sensation of life.

"_Fuck._ You know, I really wish you could lie," Johnny said at a low volume, an inexplicable and too-human expression adorning his features. Norrin could not read it, could not dissect its parts to form a whole, so instead, he listened to the same thing that had guided him into the heart of Galactus, the same instinct that had balked when he was to kill Sue.

"You do not," he said, and propelled himself forward until their bodies were in alignment. He kissed Johnny the way he had kissed his beloved for the first time: a meeting of flesh that, while of insignificant pressure, was not of insignificant meaning.

Johnny's flames had risen twelve milasecs off his epidermis, now. He shone like a fantastic combustion before Norrin, waves of heat shimmering off him in sinuous ripples.

The skin of Johnny's forehead was warm against his own.

"So kinky alien sex, huh?" He produced loud sounds of amusement. "I guess I could get into that."

*

Flames that would have been extinguished in the vacuum of space were preserved, shielded, held close in their embrace. They were warm and cold entwined, orange and yellow held in arms of reflective silver, streaking across the airless void.

They plunged past the swirling and incandescence of the chromosphere, speeding with a comet's trajectory through the curling tongues of gas and white-hot heat, leaving a black trail in their wake that was abruptly swallowed up in the tumultuous nimbus clouds. They were hardly more than a _hint_ of a sliver of disturbance in the roiling mass that stretched before them farther than their eyes could see.

They descended swiftly, at inhuman speeds, held tightly in the cocoon of Norrin's protection.

At the edge of the core, with over thirteen million kelvins of pure heat from the fusion pummeling their miniscule pocket of air, they stopped.

*

_Skin is not metal, not resistant to the touch, but soft, cool, like a springtime pond with just a hint of ice left from the kiss of winter. Flames don't damage, but light up, create vortices of fire and heat and melting, yielding to body. Oxygen is scare, so mouths share, gasp against each other, and the slide of matrices occurs underneath the slide of skin, a subatomic alchemy that trembles in their structure, electrifies their frames until they see not just from their own eyes, but through the eyes of the other. Fingers grip to the point of bruising and beyond, white heat leaks in through the shields because nothing in the universe is strong enough to stop the onslaught of such strength. But there is no turning back, there can be no fear—they see through two sets of eyes, cry out through each other's mouths, and flames radiate outwards from their center in a nova-like explosion of energy._

A perfect meld. Radiation ignites back into life, and flames recede, but do not die.

*

"You did it!" Reed cried out when the program on his computer finished pulling up the read-out. He picked up Johnny, who'd been standing beside him, and twirled him around in a circle before putting him down. Sue gave him a hug and a kiss on the cheek, and then went to do the same for Norrin; Ben made some half-hearted jokes about always knowing Johnny wasn't the ladies' man he claimed to be, but then gave him a pat on the back that sent him stumbling across the room.

"Was there ever any doubt?" He said, grinning hugely, and he threw his arm around Norrin's neck. "Though I guess I should give credit where it's due. If you ever want to take a first class trip to the core of the sun, Norrin here's your guy."

"I would not recommend returning." Norrin, his silver dulled to a glossless gray, was clearly exhausted from their ordeal.

"No other suns you need us to re-start for the next few hours, right?" Johnny asked, raising a pointed eyebrow at Reed.

Reed blinked. "Uh, well, no, but I was hoping we could run a few tests—"

Sue's high heel made an audible crunching sound on Reed's foot. "Go and get some rest, guys. We'll take it from here."

Johnny smiled at her, and she nodded, once, in a way that said everything she hadn't been able to all the years she'd been waiting for this moment.

"Right—get some rest—we can do tests in the morning." Reed stretched his arm to the floor to rub his abused shoe. "Just don't, uh, you know—strain yourself. Or anything. You've been through a lot."

Johnny saluted, "Ten four, Capitan. And now, if you'll excuse us—" He half-dragged, half-led Norrin out of the room and into the hallway that would take them to his room.

His self-satisfied cocky grin back in full force, he slowed them down once they were out of earshot and looked at Norrin questioningly.

"So, this thing with you and the ladyfriend back on planet Silver Surfer. Is it serious, or does a guy with a lifetime guarantee to burst out into flames during a fantastic orgasm have a chance?"


End file.
